8 years ago · Stuart Downing · 0 comments

How does your self-image influence your ability to change?

Are you wanting to make a change in your life but no matter what you do you seem to be stuck in those destructive habits that are forever bringing you to your knees?

There are countless stories of people trying to lose weight; give up smoking, quit the drug habit, all of them using tried and tested methods such as smoking patches, dieting pills, supplements for drug use. Do these substitutes really work? Or does change only occur when you change how you perceive yourself?

They often say that you only change when you want to and there is some evidence that suggests your success rate in therapy is not defined by the type of therapy, it’s defined by your willingness and determination to change.

Considering this from a psychological perspective, what is taking place that really allows you to undergo a series of changes that is as drastic as stopping smoking or a long-term drug addiction?Seeing yourself as a non-smoker after you’ve been smoking for years? Or perhaps you stop taking drugs only to figure out you now need to associate with new people and build completely new frames of thought to bring new structure to your life. How hard is that?

Your self-image

The topic of self goes back thousands of years throughout all cultures and belief systems. Throughout the last hundred years, The “sense of self” has been a topic of discussion amongst the great thinkers such as Sigmond Freud, Carl Rogers, Carl Yung. Between their work we can now conceptualise the “self” in psychological terms, referring to three concepts within us:

• Real Self – The reality of who we are (often told by our actions)
• Perceived Self – How we believe other people perceive us (as seen by others)
• Ideal Self – How we would like to be (if we could just make those changes…)

We all have an ideal self

Your ideal self is the non-smoking, caring, hard-working individual you see yourself as having the potential to be. This is the person you would be if you had none of those time and energy consuming addictions to mess up the experience you call “life.”

It’s the thing inside you every now and then that says “You should really stop doing this.”

We all have things in our lives that we want to change. We all have potential inside us that we can see. Inside all of us lives true potential and we often express this as new years, making resolutions and planning to make the changes we know we need in our lives. Why wait until the end of the year, why can’t we take control of our lives right now?

Carl Rogers, a famous humanistic psychologist from recent times argued that for a person to feel satisfied (he used the term “self-actualization” or to become “self-actualized”), they’re actual-self and their ideal-self must be congruent (that they must be aligned with one another, how you perceive yourself to be and how you actually act).

How does this affect my ability to change?

You realise you want to change, that’s one of the biggest steps to take. You’re at the point that when you look at yourself in the mirror, all you can remember are the missed opportunities and wasted years. It’s you saying to yourself “You are not doing enough to achieve your potential.”

It may not be exactly that though. Ultimately it’s you knowing deep down that you’ve not taken responsibility for your own actions and your life is not working out as you once had planned.

Looking at things from this perspective is not easy. You are analysing your life. You’re not only saying “I want to stop smoking” you’re also considering the implications smoking is having on your life, how your life will be affected by stopping smoking and most importantly what are you going to replace smoking with? And that leads to some whole other questions.

• What can I do with my spare time now I don’t smoke?
• What can I do with the spare money I have now I don’t spend money on cigarettes?
• How will I take a break whilst I’m at work without smoking?
• What am I doing with my career, do I want to be here?
• Where am I going with my life?
• What am I doing with my finances?
• What are my long-term goals?

One change could be all it takes

Once you make one change to your life you start to consider the wider picture, and other aspects of your life you may want to change. Not only that but you finally begin to have faith in yourself to make those changes. This can affect all aspects of your life from your finances, career, lifestyle choices, peer groups and perhaps things you have never considered.

To increase your chances of making a change in your life, why not consider the following:

• Think about the life you desire. Put together a long-term plan. In the ideal situation, where do you see yourself in five years?
• Look at the things you do every day. What are the consistencies? How does each of those actions contribute to your long-term success?
• Think about how your habits and behaviour needs to alter in order for you to be ready to take on the responsibility that is required within your ideal life.

Always remember the saying: Good habits are hard to form and easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to form, but hard to live with. In the long-term, the hard work it takes to develop those positive, life-affirming habits will pay off.

Are you wanting to make a positive change to your life? Do you need a coach that will enable you to finally take those first steps to achieve your goals and live the life you desire? I’m ready and available to take on new clients within my life coaching programme. Give me a call on 07825599340.

Categories: Self