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How does your self-image influence your ability to change?

8 years ago · · 0 comments

How does your self-image influence your ability to change?

Are you wanting to make a change in your life but no matter what you do you seem to be stuck in those destructive habits that are forever bringing you to your knees?

There are countless stories of people trying to lose weight; give up smoking, quit the drug habit, all of them using tried and tested methods such as smoking patches, dieting pills, supplements for drug use. Do these substitutes really work? Or does change only occur when you change how you perceive yourself?

They often say that you only change when you want to and there is some evidence that suggests your success rate in therapy is not defined by the type of therapy, it’s defined by your willingness and determination to change.

Considering this from a psychological perspective, what is taking place that really allows you to undergo a series of changes that is as drastic as stopping smoking or a long-term drug addiction?Seeing yourself as a non-smoker after you’ve been smoking for years? Or perhaps you stop taking drugs only to figure out you now need to associate with new people and build completely new frames of thought to bring new structure to your life. How hard is that?

Your self-image

The topic of self goes back thousands of years throughout all cultures and belief systems. Throughout the last hundred years, The “sense of self” has been a topic of discussion amongst the great thinkers such as Sigmond Freud, Carl Rogers, Carl Yung. Between their work we can now conceptualise the “self” in psychological terms, referring to three concepts within us:

  • Real Self – The reality of who we are (often told by our actions)
  • Perceived Self – How we believe other people perceive us (as seen by others)
  • Ideal Self – How we would like to be (if we could just make those changes…)

We all have an ideal self

Your ideal self is the non-smoking, caring, hard-working individual you see yourself as having the potential to be. This is the person you would be if you had none of those time and energy consuming addictions to mess up the experience you call “life.”

It’s the thing inside you every now and then that says “You should really stop doing this.”

We all have things in our lives that we want to change. We all have potential inside us that we can see. Inside all of us lives true potential and we often express this as new years, making resolutions and planning to make the changes we know we need in our lives. Why wait until the end of the year, why can’t we take control of our lives right now?

Carl Rogers, a famous humanistic psychologist from recent times argued that for a person to feel satisfied (he used the term “self-actualization” or to become “self-actualized”), they’re actual-self and their ideal-self must be congruent (that they must be aligned with one another, how you perceive yourself to be and how you actually act).

How does this affect my ability to change?

You realise you want to change, that’s one of the biggest steps to take. You’re at the point that when you look at yourself in the mirror, all you can remember are the missed opportunities and wasted years. It’s you saying to yourself “You are not doing enough to achieve your potential.”

It may not be exactly that though. Ultimately it’s you knowing deep down that you’ve not taken responsibility for your own actions and your life is not working out as you once had planned.

Looking at things from this perspective is not easy. You are analysing your life. You’re not only saying “I want to stop smoking” you’re also considering the implications smoking is having on your life, how your life will be affected by stopping smoking and most importantly what are you going to replace smoking with? And that leads to some whole other questions.

  • What can I do with my spare time now I don’t smoke?
  • What can I do with the spare money I have now I don’t spend money on cigarettes?
  • How will I take a break whilst I’m at work without smoking?
  • What am I doing with my career, do I want to be here?
  • Where am I going with my life?
  • What am I doing with my finances?
  • What are my long-term goals?

One change could be all it takes

Once you make one change to your life you start to consider the wider picture, and other aspects of your life you may want to change. Not only that but you finally begin to have faith in yourself to make those changes. This can affect all aspects of your life from your finances, career, lifestyle choices, peer groups and perhaps things you have never considered.

To increase your chances of making a change in your life, why not consider the following:

  • Think about the life you desire. Put together a long-term plan. In the ideal situation, where do you see yourself in five years?
  • Look at the things you do every day. What are the consistencies? How does each of those actions contribute to your long-term success?
  • Think about how your habits and behaviour needs to alter in order for you to be ready to take on the responsibility that is required within your ideal life.

Always remember the saying: Good habits are hard to form and easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to form, but hard to live with. In the long-term, the hard work it takes to develop those positive, life-affirming habits will pay off.

Are you wanting to make a positive change to your life? Do you need a coach that will enable you to finally take those first steps to achieve your goals and live the life you desire? I’m ready and available to take on new clients within my life coaching programme. Give me a call on 07825599340.

Gambling Addiction? Strategies to Stop

8 years ago · · 0 comments

Gambling Addiction? Strategies to Stop

Gambling addiction and anxiety can come hand in hand. The erratic behaviour that gambling can cause quite often puts victims into great psychological distress, particularly when they have a huge financial burden to worry about due to the high-risk strategy that can form within addicts.

Thankfully there are ways to spot the symptoms in our loved ones, in ourselves and there is the opportunity to educate ourselves and take action before you are forced to take action due to bankruptcy or severe debt (which can happen).

Astonishingly, according to multiple sources of research, the rate of suicide among those addicted to gambling is about twice as common as those addicted to others substances. A surprisingly high one in five pathological gamblers has attempted suicide.

(Source: https://www.umass.edu/seigma/)

What type of gambler are you?

Not everyone who enjoys taking a risk or making a bet is a gambling addict, just as not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic.  A lot of gambling occurs within what you call “Social Gambling” – you go to the horse racing with your friends, you occasionally put a bet on the football, those sort of activities.

There are three types of gambling:

Social gambling will generally occur between friends, coworkers, relatives. This type of gambling only lasts for limited periods of time and the risk or losses are predetermined. You could also say professional gambling is an extension of this, as the risks are limited and disciplined is exercised.

Problem gambling is another step along the way, it’s when gambling persists with continued behaviour despite the adverse consequences. As with any addiction, this starts with preoccupation, a narrowing of interests in other topics and failed attempts to cut down on the activity.

Pathological gambling affects a small percent of gamblers, and those you would characterise as “pathological gamblers” tend to showcase the following attributes:

  • Believing money is the cause of all their problems, as well as the solution to them all
  • Highly competitive and energic
  • Become restless and are easily bored
  • Binge working or workaholics who wait until the last moment before working hard

“Pathological gambler” is the term given to those whose gambling habits are unable to resist their temptations to gamble. Formally a compulsive disorder, it’s now considered an addiction disorder. Here is the full list of criteria for pathological gambling:

A) Persistent and recurrent maladaptive gambling behaviour as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1 is preoccupied with gambling (e.g. preoccupied with reliving past gambling experiences, handicapping or planning next venture, or thinking of ways to get money with which to gamble)

2 needs to gamble with increasing amounts of money in order to achieve the desired excitement

3 has repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop gambling

4 is restless or irritable when trying to cut down or stop gambling

5 gambles as a way of escaping from problems or of relieving a dysphoric mood (e.g. feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression)

6 after losing money gambling, often returns another day to get even (‘chasing’ one’s losses)

7 lies to family members, therapist, or others to conceal extent of involvement with gambling

8 has committed illegal acts such as forgery, fraud, theft, or embezzlement to finance gambling

9 has jeopardised or lost a significant relationship, job, or educational or career opportunity because of gambling

10 relies on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation caused by gambling.

B) And the gambling behaviour is not better accounted for by a manic episode.

The problems come arise with the latter two, problem and pathological gamblers. A problem gambler can still find themselves in financial difficulty (which can be tough for anyone), and a pathological gambler finds their gambling habits become completely erratic, spontaneous and compulsive. Pathological gamblers often find themselves consistently engaging in gambling several times throughout the day, some developing the habit of always having a bet on no matter what time of day it is – even if they are sleeping!

Ways To Manage Your Gambling Addiction

Admit The Problem

The first step is to admit the problem.

Over time, gambling can become habitual and although losing £20 per day may not seem like a huge amount (particularly if you have a job and stability and “spare money”), considering that’s  £600 per month (over £7200 per year) you would be surprised at what you could do with that amount of money over a long period of time.

Addition to gambling severely affects your mood, clients often tell me they “feel the itch.” It’s a strong psychological impulse to continue taking on more risk, which eventually becomes your high.

The problem? It’s admitting that your “high” is the risk. For a lot of people that can be hard to stomach, as it may be the case that this self-destructive habit you have developed is rooted in some other emotional issue, such as not liking structure and routine and wanting to break away from “normality of life.”

Admitting the problem can be the first step to helping manage your emotional and psychological issues that come with breaking away from gambling.

Speak To Others

Speak to friends, particularly those who you gamble with. Consider the three categories we just placed all gambling activities under (social, problem and pathological) and compare the habits of your gambling to those around you.

Ask them!

How often do they do it? Why do they enjoy it? Do they also feel like they are taking on so much risk? What do they feel like when they don’t do it?

There’s a fine line between social gambling and problem gambling, it can be hard to differentiate. Though when you get speaking to people you’ll be able to notice the pathological gambler. They are the ones who tell you about the extensive losses (or huge wins) they’ve had within the bookies and be ultra-active with their bets, knowledge and the routine of gambling on a daily basis.

If you think you are addicted to gambling, you should seek support from other people. Talk to your loved ones, your friends and family. Don’t hesitate to ask someone to give you some reassurance or support. Gambling can also drastically affect your mood, and you will find that socialising is a great way to take your mind of the bets and improve the way you feel.

Exercise

Exercise is good for stimulating the brain and helping the body release dopamine, ultimately making us feel positive and motivated.

It’s a usual tip from life coaches and therapists. There’s a reason for that: it works.

Create A New Routine

Everything we do is habitual. In this instance, you go to the bookies to make a bet, or even worse you’re engaging in gambling online or through your mobile phone. It happens in the morning, in the afternoon and evening. It’s like everything we do in life, it becomes a habit, it just becomes part of our routine.

Giving yourself something new to do such as taking up a new class, starting the gym or spending more time with your family could be the one thing you need to break the habit and realise that you can change.

Take a good look at this from another perspective. You’re not only losing money when you are gambling. You’re losing precious time and energy that would be better spent on your family, or your own wellbeing. Join the gym, do something positive in your community, relax and watch the television – there are a hundred more productive ways you can use your leisure time, so why use it gambling and making bets?

Imagine all the money you spend on gambling. What other activities could you fund with that money – activities that could enrich your life?

Consider Long-Term Consequences

I mentioned earlier in the article that £20 per day may not seem like a lot. It’s over £7000 per year. That’s the average rate of a mortgage on a home in the UK.

What are the long-term consequences of the risk you take on every day? What could you possibly win any amount of money that would be “enough” that you’d consider stopping gambling altogether? Where does it end?

The truth is you will only stop betting when you come to terms with the fact that it won’t pay off long-term. You can’t be the winner. You won’t walk away with that one huge win to make up for all the losses. Don’t let it be financial devastation that convinces you to stop gambling, stop now.

Hypnotherapy Could Stop You Gambling

Do you want to eradicate the thought of gambling from your mind?

Do you wish you could replace gambling with a new and more productive habit?

Do you want to decrease the likelihood of relapse?

 

I’ve worked with several pathological and problem gamblers in the past to help them completely change their lives, and with fantastic results. Hypnotherapy truly works when it comes to replacing the habit of Gambling and can be tremendously powerful, allowing you to quickly move on to new habits that significantly improve your life.

Get in touch for a free consultation, call Stuart on 07825599340.